Here (what, two weeks later? I blame finals.) from the mental health thread on the Escapist

Anyways, I thought the story as a whole wasn't bad. I'm curious about the overarching plot, now, too.

The biggest issue I have with your writing is that everything happens really quickly -- it's like you're in such a hurry to get to the sexy/bloody bits you don't have the time or energy to put some love into the connective tissue. There's just not enough there to make the story effective. It also doesn't help that your characters don't really feel like people; Red does stuff, but there's no real insight into who she is, what she likes and dislikes, her view on the world, etc. Even in a short piece like this, her personality should shine through.

Take this first part, for example --

[quote]She knew it was wrong. She knew she shouldn't do it. But Red didn't care. For too long she'd lived by the rules of others. She wanted some fun and to see what was out there. So she left the path. Right there in the middle of the woods, she turned away from the track and entered the unknown.[/quote]

How did she feel? Was she excited? Nervous? Downright scared? Did she imagine being scolded by her mother and father, or did she blithely skip off the path without a care in the world? What other rules does she follow? Did she think it was, like, A MORTAL SIIIIN wrong, or just kind of a dumb, unsafe thing to do? What motivated her to wander off, anyways? Had she ever been curious about the rest of the forest before? How long did she plan to explore? Was there something in specific that she wanted to check out, or was she just feeling super rebellious that day? Does she like visiting her grandma, or does she kind of resent having to do it? If it's the latter, does she feel bad for resenting her?

Obviously I'm just throwing shit out there right now, but I think this would be a lot better if, in general, you added more colour.

Now, for a couple of specifics -- okay, so, this is more a personal thing, but I'm violently allergic to sex being equated with romantic love. Is she majorly crushing on Luna solely because of the mind-blowing sex, or because Luna has a cute laugh and her idea of pillowtalk is making terrible puns? Also, I'm a little confused as to why Red didn't remember anything at first.

"It was a testament to her strength of character that she could look Red in the eye and still say those words. She knew she was facing death. And she didn't care." I think you should cut that. Leave Luna as a cipher. Also, from the ending, I'm guessing that a) she didn't really die, and b) she knew Red wasn't able to kill her, in which case, is it really strength of character to not be super upset about something that won't permanently destroy you? (And now that I've read the comments, I doubly think you should delete this.)

I kind of wish you'd described her clothes instead of just using the catch-all term "gothic" -- swirly romantigoth? Fishnets, miniskirt, and puppystompers? Wearing a Cthulhu tee? Help me out, here.

FOUR SQUAJILLION WORDS LATER, anyways, I also liked stuff. I guess saying I liked the plot is a bit silly, since it's based off of Little Red Riding Hood, but thanks to reading the comment threads, I thought using Luna to tie her into the whole was clever. The description of Luna was cute (also, her name is Luna, as in the moon, as in werewolves? Hee!), and the description of Grandma's house was sufficiently gory. I like that you left Luna's real motivations secret and her lack of response to Red's anger, and the ending was pretty good. I enjoyed it.